At the age of twenty, I was in full bloom. I was thriving in school. I was swimming, lifting weights, and eating healthy - a woman transformed compared to my chubby middle school days. Boys my age saw me in a whole new light, as if I was finally worth something. I was old enough for full-fledged adults to take me seriously without the need for lies and pretense, even if I could barely name the three branches of government. My life changed forever the summer I moved to Florida to live with my mom and go to school. But this isn’t a story about the summer of my twentieth year. No, this is a story about a time in my life where I made all the wrong choices. “What If” is a fictional memoir that examines my decisions at a crossroads. The anecdotes examine the masks I wore to mold myself to men’s expectations. It chronicles my brush with a toxic boyfriend. It explores the cold war between myself and a boy in my Public Speaking class who made all of my insecurities bubble up to the surface. “What If” is an apology to those I wronged, as well as a love letter to the city of Melbourne, FL, a place that witnessed my evolution from a girl to a woman. Come on this journey as I delve into my psyche to examine what went wrong and what I could’ve done better.