"In 1972, as I was starting graduate school, a friend died in a car accident. He was a troubled man, a Vietnam veteran who never quite settled into life after returning home from the war. Late at night while his wife Susan slept in their bed, his car crashed into a tree many miles away from where he should have been. In the weeks that followed, a group of us spent a lot of time with Susan. We took her out and taught her how to get drunk. We hugged her. We tried to make sure she was with other people as much as possible"--