After being bitten by a vampire, not only is fifteen-year-old Doug doomed eternally to be fat, but now he must also save himself from the desperate host of a public-access-cable vampire-hunting television show that is on the verge of cancellation. After Doug is attacked by a vampire, he is forced to remain overweight and fifteen for eternity. As he attempts to navigate high school, he must avoid a persistent vampire hunter. The plot contains profanity.