Author Description

Cornwall, 2013. Failed ex-pension salesman Godfrey Simmons is tired of being the sole member of the Godfrey Simmons Cult. So when he meets 19 year old failed Special Forces soldier Funkel Fingel and a beautiful but deadly girl called Cloud Berry, they start up Nowhere Children Inc., a corporate Cult based in Cornwall that uses pyramid selling techniques learned in Godfrey's pension scamming days. After a successful internet marketing campaign, it isn't long before all sorts of weirdos are rushing to jump on Godfrey's bandwagon. The Small Pixie Woman who harbours secret Nazi feminist ideals; Livid, the sexually deviant chimney sweep; Scarlett, who resents her 'animal urges'; Joshua, the homicidal Man of God from Jericho and Teddy the full time Free Spirit all sign up to 'Beat the stock markets, meet your perfect partner and change the world!' In the resultant mayhem, Godfrey and the Nowhere Children successfully manage to complete a 'Hostile Takeover bid' on a medieval Cornish castle while its owners are on holiday where they attempt to 'convert the ignorant'. Ultimate World Domination seems only a step away, but can they make it?